Gay as me, Gay is me.

I just saw the movie MILK and damn me for not seeing it sooner.  The passion, the tears, the anger, that was inside me.  I have studied gay issues for a very long time and I was aware of the story of the “Twinkie Defense” but NEVER did I really understand the social impact he made and suffered for.  I have to say Thank you Harvey. I just wish your cause had stayed alive.  The similarities between Prop 6 and the now Prop 8 are such that you probably roll over in your grave.  I’m personally sorry as a gay woman that I have stayed so quiet but I am such a small minority.  Anita has won again.
Now, I must stand up and make a logical argument.  Being as I studied gay issues for so long I came to the assumption that every social issue comes in waves particularly the “gay” issue.  Look at Sodom and Gomorra, Greece, Berlin, San Francisco, Dada County Florida, The United States as a whole, the World as a whole.  Gay has never been a popular issue, it is obviously seen as abnormal.  I have been a lesbian for years but consider myself as bi sexual.  Do I do this to fit in, I don’t know.  I don’t know to what extent having a husband shoved down my throat and being heterosexual the safe “lifestyle” has impacted how I choose to identify my sexuality.  I do know this, I am scared.  I live with a man who has emphasized being quiet about my sexuality since I met him, always for one reason or another.  He has always told me what I do behind closed doors is my business.  (Well of course it is otherwise why would I close my door) and now for the first time I get why.  He doesn’t want to see me hurt.  He lived through this already and I was so dumb to think he didn’t understand.  He was a teenager when gay issues were last a civil uprising.  He probably thinks that this is just another wave and to an extent he is right, but I must ask him “What did the last wave achieve?”
The answer we all know is the right to be openly gay and have a job, home loans, etc.  However, thanks to Aids we became silent.  Our movement that was so strong seem to burn out overnight as the media emphasized that gay was AIDS and AIDS was gay.  The truth then, as is the truth now Aids knows no age, race, sex, orientation, etc.  In fact when we demographically categorize it we find that very thing.
Now, we are up against another social issue that is the civil unions and gay marriage.  The liberal agenda has been to enlighten the straight public since the Aids genre that gay is not contagious and that we don’t have to be scared of gay people.  It all started with Ellen being open on her self titled show.  Then came Will and Grace and Brokeback Mountain, and now Milk…with a few in between.  The gay agenda so to speak has only been to be accepted as a person.  I don’t want to slap all straight people in the face with the message, I just want to be left to live, but how is that possible with so many Anita’s still out there?
Recently I heard a speaker at UNLV tell me to be out and proud to tell everyone I know that I am gay, because he said that we will never be accepted until we stand up and lead by example.  Dear Diary, I don’t want to.  I don’t want to because I have experienced that look and that discrimination.  It doesn’t feel good, and yet I feel if I kiss a man or a woman on the streets that I won’t be judged.  Perhaps because I don’t care or perhaps we have made progress…

Scared

So, here I sit at the computer again…I am looking over at my beautiful son and thinking this very well could be the last time I see him until he is 18.  I am scared.  But this is not my only fear.  I am the very first to profess that a little self pity never hurt, but damn I am feeling very sorry for myself tonight, but not in the sense one may think.  I am thinking Why me of course, then a little of is this it?, and then some of that very infamous It’s not fair.  I am more worried about my kids than myself though.  To me, I don’t really matter, but to those kids I mean the world.

I suppose if you read this far you are probably curious so I will inform.  I have a brain lesion, and despite several tests the doctor cannot find a reason for it.  So, in September I will be sent to the Mayo Clinic, but I am also supposed to start my graduate studies.  In my mind Mayo is the place people go that are really sick…and I am scared.  My mother is causing all kinds of drama despite knowing this information and threatening to sue her own daughter.  My hubby is not being supportive at all and in fact is causing so much stress lately as he grows more and more lazy every day.  Then he expects the world of me clean house, clean kids, laundry, dinner, everything….and I CAN’T DO IT! I don’t feel good.  I have included some links on brain lesions so everyone reading is not confused … I am not INVINCIBLE.  I am SCARED!

http://www.webmd.com/brain/brain-lesions-causes-symptoms-treatments?page=1

http://www.webmd.com/brain/brain-lesions-causes-symptoms-treatments?page=2

MY FIRST POST IS UP

I am soooo excited! Everyone follow this link to get to my newst PAID postition of writer.  Don’t forget to come back here for the typical B.S.

Here’s the LINK:

http://www.examiner.com/x-14004-Las-Vegas-Civil-Rights-Examiner

GO READ MY FIRST POST! and subscribe please that’s partially how I get paid!

I feel so lucky!

I have been chosen as a writer/examiner for an online news source for my city, Las Vegas.   I will be covering civil rights issues as that is the position I have been hired on as.  So, if you want to read my manure that I post here come on back ya’ll!  Now, while I have not exactly shown my wonderful writing skills on my blog I assure you I am a great writer.  My blog for me has been a place where I can just blow off steam and not have to think to deeply, sort of a place for feelings and emotions more than scholarly reports.  So, I will be providing a link as soon as they have my page up and running and I look forward to all of you visiting.

A poem for my children

A Mother’s Love:

To: Tyler and Elizabeth

If only I could measure how much that I love you

It would be deeper than the ocean

 And brighter than the moon

 I would shower you with flowers

 But for you that just won’t do

 I would give you everything I own

 But for you that just won’t do

 I would buy you all the things I could

 But for you it just wouldn’t do

 For you are worth more to me than anything I own,

 Could buy, or give.

 For you are worth more to me than that

 For as long as I shall live.

Prison, Personality, and Persistence

The prison system seems to be a wide debate these days from the newest documentaries including “Prison Nation” to the minds of senators, and us bloggers.  Why is it that we can’t seem to rehabilitate the mass populations in the system?

I could go on and on about how I believe for a long while, but to get to the point really quickly I will save you my opinion.

Recently I invited over some friends of my daughter for her beautiful 7th birthday.  With the children came two of the most ghetto queens I have ever seen or listened to.  However, these two queens made some very valid points about the prison system that could not be ignored, and so I was forced to put aside my judgements for two hours so I could really listen.

When I tried to argue that the recidivism rate was high due to lack of programs, housing, and jobs for the recovering criminals I was told “Put that shit away right now, GURL! Let me tell you something.  I was in prison and I had all 6 of my kids about to be taken away from me, and the judge gave me 60 days to enter a rehab center.  I waited till the 59th day to do shit about it, and you know what I learned.  Ain’t no one out there gonna just hand it to you.  You have to work for it, get your record sponged (her words) and ask people for help.  There is shit out there for you, but no one gonna come lookin for your ass you gotta go out and get em, help yourself.”

So, now while I do still think there could be more funding for those “go get em” programs, I cannot argue with someone who has been in the system and try to place my theories on her circumstance.  Perhaps it is the prison system that is wrong, perhaps her personality strong, or perhaps her persistence that led her along.  Whatever it was this is a story of a woman, a mother, a prisoner, a survivor, and now a grandmother.

#2- George Knapp and the I- Team

Today George Knapp, of Channel 8 news, was recognized with the prestigious Peabody Award for excellence in journalism and investigation. He once again stood up to the local politicians and hit them where it hurt. George has a history of exposing the truth to us by showing us it is not hard to find. All we need do is a little digging.
In this recent documentary he exposed how water, power and politics effect the future of Las Vegas. Some of the proposed plans to bring water to the Las Vegas valley are bringing much debate. After three decades of growth it is the idea of civic leaders to tap water from rural counties in Nevada, potentially altering the natural flow of water forever, threatening the existence of plants as well as mammals. Some of these leaders would have you believe it is the best interest of our existence as we know it and that we have no choice. However, what is the best interest? Money? That’s certainly not what they would have us believe yet millions of homes built to expand this city sit empty due to the financial downturn.
George helps us see what is really behind all these proposals and how is will affect you. You can view his series by clicking on the link below.
http://www.lasvegasnow.com/Global/story.asp?S=8035228&nav=menu102_2

Civil Union Bill passes 12-9

VICTORY in Nevada for Civil Unions!! YEAH NEVADA!… However, Governor Gibbons has promised to veto, so Carson City has seen a rise in activists for this cause.  If more people knew what it meant for them and knew enough about it I would assume they would also want to fight for it.  It is not a gay or straight thing it is an Equality issue.

No woman or man should feel like they HAVE to get married to have the same rights as another woman or man who decides to sign a piece of paper. Some  have strong objections to marriage.  It can be a political issue, a religious issue, even a personal beliefs issue as to why one would choose to not be married in the traditional sense.  If  someone is in love and wants to spend their life with someone, who am I or the government to tell them something they believe strongly against is their only option.  This issue goes deeper than some would have you believe yet as simple as EQUAL RIGHTS!!

Whether or not gay couples benefit from this or not should not be anyone’s main focus.  The focus should simply be on equality.  If you support homosexual rights fantastic, we love you too….If not, great we love you too  Just make it about Nevada being a catalyst state as in our history.  Marriage, divorce, and now an equality rights state.   This state could use a measure like that considering its racial discrimination in the past.

I’m Happy…Really!…Just look at me smiling?

So, recently a team of psychologists found a correlation between the divorce rate and year book pictures of all things.  They claim if you want to know if you will have a happy marriage just look at your future spouse’s high school yearbook picture… I say good thing they didn’t say look at the haircut cause I’d be screwed.HA! These researchers also say that they believe the correlation could be that smiling people have a happier disposition or it could be that smiling people attract other smiling people creating a happy relationship.  I say Cough bullshit cough cough! Let’s just put my relationship out there for an example.  In my high school yearbook pictures I have that big cheesy Gina smile that I am well known for.  However, my fiance’s picture is hardly a crack or an attempt to crack a smile.  Now, based on these researchers I should attract other happy people.  Nope! Fallacy #1.  or that my smile would create a happy relationship and again Nope! Fallacy #2.  Now let’s not discuss why I am engaged to someone I am unhappy with cause I may say it’s because I smile…:)  So, obviously there are exceptions to everything and some fallacies in every piece of research but really I can’t imagine basing my entire relationship on the way my partner smiled in high school, and for all of us that survived high school we all know the reasons we could have not smile or smiled for that picture.  I would however love to see this hypothesis tested a bit more to include an adult photograph.  I know many people who do not smile in photos and are miserable people.  But again, capturing human existence without the turn, pose, and say cheese mentality has been some of the best photographs in American history.

Another Victory

History is being made in this unprecedented battle for equality.  Again I think it is crazy that it is even an issue in 2009 but it is and we take it one step at a time. 

Vermont made history today, as the first state in America to enact marriage equality through legislative process – just FOUR DAYS after another huge win for marriage equality in Iowa.

This is a resounding message about the direction of our country. Not only did the Vermont Legislature vote to support marriage equality, but they did so with a two-thirds majority to override the Governor’s veto.

Now the courageous leaders of the Vermont House and Senate are about to bear the brunt of a right-wing backlash. Let’s show them they did the right thing.

I urge you if your state has any pending legislation that is concerning marriage equality and/or anti discrimination in the workplace, please talk to your senators.  You can also go to www.hrc.com and sign a form letter that will go straight to your senator.